Category: ! Without a column

Men who expect to find a loved one, and not a date for one night, should pay attention to ten stop-signals that women say: “Do not answer him”.

Fill the profile on the page of the dating site – it would seem that it could be easier? For a man who is looking for a partner for one night, this is not a problem. Especially if he does not hide his intentions. But those who hope to find something more serious make ridiculous mistakes. And they eventually stand dating with cleveries and beauties, for which they came here. How they scare us off?

Nickname. Do not hide for the names of the heroes of films or series, it looks childish. Of course, a veiled invitation to sex should not be read in

your virtual pseudonym. Nickname, which alarms or repels, will repel the desire to go to your page. Even if you wrote about yourself adequately, witty and we could be interesting, the game is lost in the beginning.

Cellphy in the bathroom. This is not the best place for the first visual dating. If you decide to capture yourself in this part of the house, make us not observing the mess.

Car, dog and dawn (sunsets) instead of a photo. For some reason, many choose these avatars instead of their real portrait, but we don’t really like to imagine you in the form of cars, animals and natural phenomena. We want to get an idea of your appearance. It will be better if you post a photo in full growth and portrait, on which you smile.

Banal information. Let’s guess: work is important to you and you devote a lot of time to it. You love music and hate melodramas, love the dog. Familiar? Here for us too, because we have already read it thousands of times. Try to show imagination and tell something unusual, which would allocate you from a series of people who also work and also love pets. Ask a friend or child, if you have it, describe you, share their observations. This can attract our attention.

Empty profile. Together with the lack of photography, this is a sign that you are not free and are afraid that one of your friends will recognize you.

Messages written under a carbon copy. “Hi, how are u, beauty?”,” Close?»You will most likely never get the answer to these questions. Because you sent these standard messages to everyone who has currently been online. If a woman is interested in you, carefully read her profile and ask a question from which it would be clear that you are addressing her personally.

Spelling, smiles and reduction. The Internet has formed its own language of communication, and yet your profile should not look like a teenager messenger, with a barely understandable reduction in words and an abundance of slang. Smiley is also not the best idea. We are not 15 years old and it does not seem to us that “cool”.

The discrepancy of information. If in one photo you have an athlete that lifts the rods or runs a marathon, and on another put a mug with beer on the stomach, we are lost in conjecture: how you look today? Whether to expect that you and the beard, or again made friends with the razor, which demonstrates another photograph? We would like to rely on more reliable information.

Your questionnaire is laid out on all sites. If we are interested in you, we can find additional information through the search engine that shows your questionnaire on all sites. Those where they get acquainted for a serious relationship, and those where participants are interested only in sex. Decide that you are interested in and place the questionnaire on the appropriate resources.

The image of the eternal sufferer. Everyone has a lot of experiences behind. But if in your profile we only read about how you were betrayed and left and how you still suffer from this, it tires. We do not want to turn into your virtual vest and another reason for suffering.

We believe in the intentions of most of you. It would be a shame to break out because of the barriers that you yourself put in the way of dating and recognizing each other.

I am 28 years old . I am successful in my career, slim, beautiful, self -developing all the time, but men avoid me. All my life I have been the same friend on whose background they look better. Although I have a sin to complain about appearance. Perhaps there is no inner harmony

in me?

Alla, hello! I understand your amazement from the fact that personal life does not develop, despite all your virtues. You did not write so much, so I will try to answer as fully as possible, analyzing all your words.

First of all, you describe yourself from the outside. And even “self -development” – it sounds like an external, not internal quality. It is important to understand the unconscious fantasies, because of which you avoid touching your inner world. These can be various thoughts on the topic that you are not interesting, mature or that you do not have the right to self -expression.

I don’t know what exactly your psyche “blocks” your personal life. But I can say for sure: the better you can track these fantasies, the clearer the picture of what controls you.

We are all, of course, from childhood. If your family had a surge of perfectionism, then this is another key to explain why you rely on the external.

What could this be expressed? For example, in the requirements to comply with others and not “disgrace” parents with poor behavior or assessments, in overstated expectations from you in study, sports, in a rigid separation between adults and children who should not interfere and must behave perfectly.

All this forms in the child a fantasy that he is not good enough as a person, so through external behavior a person begins to seek approval and a good assessment.

You write that all your life was a girlfriend “for the background”. It turns out that the matter is not in your real appearance, but in the tendency to “give up” the place to a more confident person. And here you need to figure out why.

This is again a hypothesis: for example, in childhood you survived the loss of parents (or you could leave you for a long time), and then a mechanism was formed for a stronger personality so as not to be alone.

Either you were depreciated, and you began to feel uncertainly, so in friendship it became easier not to shadow another person yourself.

Or maybe a tough hierarchy of adults and children reigned in the family, and you still feel “small”, giving way to the leadership “senior”.

The point is not that you can look better against your background, but that for some reason this is an acceptable way to maintain friendship for you. And how friends themselves relate to you? Are there those among them those who are ready to take care of you and support?

Now about personal life. It is important to understand what you invest in the concept of “avoiding”. You are not noticed or does not develop relationships after the first date? If this is the first option (do not notice), then this, of course, is related to unwillingness to stand out, as I wrote above.

But if the contact breaks after the meeting, then it is worth understanding how you generally show yourself on a date. Do you hide your inner world, do you behave the same as with friends. And in general, which men you are unconsciously choosing. Is it possible that just prone to the depreciation of a woman?

And in general, the very word “avoid” brings a negative shade. It seems that you yourself, without realizing this, perceive yourself negatively.

• First, try to pay attention to these negative fantasies about yourself in order to better understand what you control.
• It would be useful to look at your friends more closely. Among them are probably those who are ready to substitute the shoulder, discuss your emotional problems and communicate with you on an equal footing. These people can become those who will support you in communication with men at parties, events. It is very important for you to gain experience of unbearable and equivalent friendship.
• As for men – here the main thing is to begin to allow yourself to emotionally express yourself, to learn to gradually discover your inner world without a sense of shame and embarrassment. And for this, this piggy bank of negative fantasies is just important, which are not about you, but about your unrealistic idea of yourself, formed in childhood.

I am sure that if this problem is close, everything will work out. Moreover, as you wrote, you have extensive experience in self -development and work on yourself.